How Long Have I been Doing This?

How long have I been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?  How many times have I gone to church, participated in activities, made covenants, taught classes, and listened to talks from fellow ward members up to the prophet?  How could it possibly be that I've missed this one thing in all these years and activity?
"The sacrament ordinance affords every Church member the opportunity to ponder his or her life in advance, to consider the actions or nonactions that may need to be repented of, and then to partake of the bread and water as sacred emblems in remembrance of the body and blood of Jesus Christ, a witness of His Atonement."  (Bishop Davies, 'A Sure Foundation', April '13 general conference)
At different points in our lives, the sacrament takes on different meanings.  When we are little, it could be a snack to get us through.  When we turn 8 (or at any point in life that one is baptized), the sacrament reminds us of the covenants we made at baptism, to take His name upon us, to always remember Him, and to keep His commandments in return for always having the Spirit to be with us.
As a young married couple with young children, we struggled like everyone does.  There was one Sunday when a hymn was being sung about the Sabbath being a day of peace and rest.  Dan and I turned and looked at each other and snorted.  It had been a bad day.
Now we are at a good point.  The boy is our only teenager and the girls are old enough to behave themselves and wait until after the first block for drinks and bathroom breaks.  We still have our meltdown moments where somebody stole someone else's spot, crayons, coloring books, and air, but over all, Sacrament meeting is returning to a time of reverence for us.  (This was a hard fought battle, so when I smile at families struggling it's because I've been there and survived and it's really kind of nice to be on the outside, not that I'm gloating or anything.)
Even so, how could it be that it took me 4 decades to learn that Sabbath preparation needs to include more than finding shoes, making sure that all of the kids are clean and presentable, and preparing any kind of lesson being taught that day?  No wonder I've never felt the power of the Atonement as I partake of the Sacrament.  I've never prepared for it.  I've never considered my life, my weaknesses as they pertain to those small few quiet moments on Sunday.  I've waited until after the rush to get to church and the calming influence of the music and the Spirit before I've thought about what I need from the Savior on that particular day. 
That kind of makes me sad.  Not kind of-- it really makes me sad.  I've lost so many opportunities to allow the Savior to cleanse me and to succor me.  I can't make the past any better, but I can move forward and make amends.  I can start today and take this huge gift that Heavenly Father has given me-- a figurative brick on the noggin-- with gratitude and goals to realign my life in a way that is more pleasing to Him.