It will be okay

I haven't written in here for a long, long time. So much was happening in my world for the last year and a half. Too much. It threatened to overcome and spill out, which it couldn't do. So I stopped writing from my heart so much. I found that this particular trauma led to more understanding, less judging, and a softer heart. It also led to tremendous amounts of anxiety. I ended up in the emergency room one night with a panic attack. Now that I know I'm not dying when my chest hurts, I guess I'm fine.  The anxiety comes and goes in powerful waves. It's spilling into my children and hurting them. Even though I don't speak my pain out loud to them, I can see it in the way one daughter was trying her hardest to miss the bus this morning so she could find a flashlight in case the power goes out in school. It was a valid concern since the storm of the century is bearing down on us but she has stopped feeling safe when she is away from us.
I have recognized what this is doing to me. To us.
So I prayed. It's not like I haven't been praying or calling on my Heavenly Father whenever I feel my chest tighten. Yesterday morning A was scheduled to get her cast off. In my mind I was planning how much time it would take to get to the office right around the corner. Not much time. My mind's eye suddenly had a vision of a different office. The correct office, one town over. I hurried and got the girl into the van and we made it there with no red lights and two minutes to spare. I immediately knew that it was a tender mercy from God. We thanked Him.
On my own yesterday, I spent some time explaining my feelings to Him and asked if the burden of anxiety would be lifted. Last night, that same, almost nonchalant feeling swept over me. Whatever is in the future of our family started that day. Yesterday. Peace and trust.
We are going to be okay. I still don't know what the future looks like or where we will be. As much as I know that the last two years have been orchestrated by a Mighty Hand I know that we will continue to be guided and cared for in life's storms. It will be okay.