And Yet

For most of my life I have viewed sin and transgression as a bad thing.  I tried my best to avoid making mistakes because the repair work is so intensive and can be extensive.  Time spent moving forward is irreplaceable.  For example, what I lose by not doing daily scripture study can't be made up in a weekend blast-- I lose whatever I could have gained.  It is gone.  I'm going to stand by this.  I think it is true.

And yet, where then does the Atonement that heals without scar come in?

It has recently occurred to me that sinning is part of the Plan of Happiness.  We came to earth to sin-- it was inevitable given the circumstances-- and to choose to repent of that sin and turn away from it.  Heavenly Father absolutely knew that.  What He provided for us is a way to not remain in our sin.  He gave us the Atonement as performed by His Only Begotten Son to save us from our sin, based on our repentence.  

It is okay to make mistakes.  It is okay to sin.  It is okay to give people the space they need to learn according to their understanding.  To clarify again, it is not okay to remain in our sins, but it is okay to make mistakes.  It's definitely not the easiest way to learn life lessons.  Taking the round about way seldom is.  I'm also not advocating wholesale sin-a-pa-loosa.  I'm talking about the daily ways in which we come up short and have to re-align ourselves with the Lord.  

In the last couple of days, my mind has gone a little further.  I'm not sure where I read this, but the gist of it was that Heavenly Father knew we wouldn't be perfect parents.  

What?!  

How can that be?!  

Why would He entrust five of His choice spirits to me if I couldn't be a perfect parent?

Sometimes that's how I think.

It's a good thing I have a few journal entries from when I had mostly little kids.  They remind me how bad I thought I had it.  Then we went through this beautiful, brief period where, for the most part, things were pretty rosy.  You look at your little children and think you have it made.  They are so precious and sing the Primary songs with such gusto.  They know all of the Primary answers and on occasion will sit reverently through a meeting.  Even with their own personalities and stubbornness, they are on the whole, still very compliant to your wishes. 

Then come the teenage years.   

Then you begin to eat your words when you said you couldn't believe how so and so turned out and you wondered what the parents did wrong.

Then you cry because your heart is torn and you are so afraid that you might lose your kid, your bright, strong child, to the world.  And they get angry because they are so full of different emotions that seem conflicting.  And they turn away from you and you plead with God to make it all right.

And this, my friends, is where I have found the Atonement.  I realize that God never intended for me to be a perfect parent from the beginning any more than I was supposed to be a perfect person springing to life.  It is faith that His Grace will be sufficient to cover the many times I lashed out in anger and frustration or said yes when I should have said no, or the other way around.  It is hope that the things I do right as a mother will earn me the right to sit at a table with no missing chairs.  Even when I don't know the future, to trust that the end of the story comes out happy-- that is the power of the Atonement.  

This is where I count on that part where we can repent and be forgiven and left without scars.  

Because He knew we would sin.

*Addendum:  I just read this scripture.

 2 Nephi 28:7-9:

Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.

And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God, he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take advantage of one for his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the presence of God.

Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark.

This kind of behavior is absolutely not what I am talking about.  It is better to not sin or make mistakes.  We should strive for righteousness in all that we do.  I am talking about the Atonement as the process of our hearts softening as we understand our absolute dependence on the Savior of mankind.