Just a Small Thought

After Christ came to the earth and brought about the miracle of the Atonement, man was no longer required to make animal sacrifices to remind himself of what was to come.  It was accomplished.  Still needing a way to humble ourselves and to make a more meaningful sacrifice, what was asked of mankind was a broken heart and a contrite spirit. 
A broken heart is a humble heart.  A contrite spirit is one that is willing and ready to make changes.  But a broken spirit is a sadness.  Matt Walsh just wrote a blog post about how depression is linked to the spirit of man.  That part of his opinion I very much believe.  I have long thought that when changes come to our spirits from any source, it is reflected in our bodies.  I absolutely know nothing of the science of depression.  This simply makes sense to me.  I don't know which comes first, whether some depressions come from outside stimulus and affect the spirit or whether the spirit is damaged and the body changes chemically as a result.
Here is what I know about myself.  In order to fight off my demons, I have to spend more time thinking about others.  I have to take myself out of my here and now and serve somebody else.  My go to escapes-- TV or computer-- do not soothe my soul and yet I keep going back to them.  There is no happiness in watching somebody else's pretend life.  I get snappy with my kids and husband and the tension and sensitivities to sound stretches to a breaking point.  I click back and forth between my favorite sites, waiting for new stimuli, and finding only repetitious pixels.  Why do I go back to them? 
There are whole parts of my young motherhood that I don't remember.  I wonder if it is like childbirth-- so painful that the brain just shuts down all memories.  Or have I been forgiven for being a crazy person and so the memories are gone through the atonement? 
Heavenly Father asks us for a broken heart and a contrite spirit, but sometimes what He gets is a broken spirit.  He doesn't love the broken any less; perhaps He wraps those souls up with a little bit more tenderness.